Driving in India: The Surest Way to Appreciate Life

"Anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."

After about a week and a half in India, I think I've roughly figured out the driving system:

When to Honk Your Horn: Frequently, and with Enthusiasm 

1. When someone is in your way

2. When someone is thinking about possibly getting your way

3. When someone is going very slow and you'd like to warn them that you'll hit their car if they don't hurry it up

4. When you're about to do something very illegal and want to let everyone know (I'm still deciding if this is a "watch out!" or "check it out!" tactic)

5. To assert your position on the road

6. To show off your new horn (it hits 4 musical notes!)

7. To say "hey, we're inches away from an accident in which we all loose our lives in a horrible, fiery death! Just thought you should know!" 

8. Because you feel like honking the horn 

Basically, you fallow the law when it suits you. Which is rarely. 

My first car ride from the airport, I was wide-eyed and white-knuckled and as I watched my life flash before my eyes so many times it was burned onto my retinas (it also doesn't help that I have yet to discover a car in this country that contains functional seat belts). A few hours on the roads later, I've learned to trust my drivers and those around me, despite the fact that there are literally no rules. For a (hilariously accurate) account, continue reading:

I found these humorous Indian driving rules online, and have found them to be sadly accurate: 

"Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is “both”. Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess.

1. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality.
2. Most drivers don’t drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction. Don’t you get discouraged or underestimate yourself. Except for a belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better position.
3. Don’t stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.
4. Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts) or just to mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.

Occasionally you might see what looks like an UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrim buses go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.

One Way Street Signs: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don’t stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type.

Lest I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also.

Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a “speed breaker”; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence

and is left un-tarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.

If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am – when the police have gone home. The citizen is then free to enjoy the ‘FREEDOM OF SPEED’ enshrined in our constitution."

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Despite all this, I have yet to see one real accident. Nada. Zip. Zilch. And in America, where we all constantly obey the rules (well, most of us, at least) in an orderly fashion, can't seem to get anywhere without coming across an accident that inevitably screws up traffic and makes us late. After some reflection, I've decided that it's because Indians set out expecting to die each time they enter a car. So what is there to loose? They make rash driving decisions and constantly expect the worst possible scenario. They're realistic and they're practical. Americans, on the other hand, expect everyone to play by the rules, and it causes massive problems when someone doesn't. 

Maybe we could learn from each other. But my first lesson to Indians would be "seat belt." 

A Word of Advice to the Indian Government:

It will be very difficult to convince investors to start their businesses in India if you make it so difficult to do business here. For example: asking people to wait 8 hours in a hot, stuffy, miserably full and terribly inefficient Foreigner Regional Registration Office (FRRO) just to register for work (in accordance with their employment visa obtained prior) does not give you a very good rep. 

Clarity on the procedure and requirments would be helpful. Then people wouldn't need to constantly keep coming back with different documents, thus wasting everybody's time. This might also lead to less overall confusion. 

I hope this isn't too much to ask, but if you could consider requesting that the employees show some common curtsey, I think everyone would just be happier and less stressed. 

I'm just saying that an entire day of confusion and frustration isn't making your country seem like a very attractive investment option and you may wish to consider more efficient routes (I mean, does it really take 7 different people to check my documents and give me a registration number?!?).

Respectfully, 

Think About It

P.S. While you're at it, you should read this too 

Food In India:

Really spicy, or extremely spicy.

Therefore, I eat Domino's like a real Amurican.

I don't really think I'm missing out on much, especially after I realized that certain "non-spicy foods" have little black balls of pepper that are like exploding spice bombs in your mouth if you're unfortunate enough to bite into one.

Because I appreciate my taste buds, I play it safe.
Can you blame me?
No, I didn't think so.

How to Tame an Elephant

An interesting metaphor I once heard: 

When elephants are young, they have a metal chain tied to their front left leg to prevent them from running away. They pull on it and try to escape, but never can because the chain is too heavy for them to break. Eventually, they give up and accept the fact that whenever they feel a weight on their front left leg, they are unable to leave. They'll carry this with them for the rest of their lives, and even when they are adults and could easily snap the heavy metal chain, they don't even try. 

It makes me wonder: what imaginary glass ceilings do we live under? 

My Bucket List

The description of myself next to this post is entirely sincere - my greatest passion in life is to enrich it. Unlike most people, my bucket list isn't a list of dream or things I just hope to do one day; it's more of a checklist, because I have the intention of completing every item on this list.

Because my wishes, ambitions, and interests are prone to change, I'll be updating this post regularly. So check back often, if you're interested, and I'll put up a new post each time I accomplish an item on the list. 

My Bucket List

• Participate in a Sky Lantern Festival in Chiang Mai, Thailand (this is my #1) 
• See all 7 Wonders of the World:
1. Chichen Itza - Yucatan, Mexico
2. Colosseum - Rome, Italy
3. Taj Mahal - Agra, India
4. Machu Picchu - Cuzco Region, Peru
5. Christ the Redeemer - Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
6. Petra - Jordan
7. Great Wall of China - China 
• ...and the Great Pyramids of Egypt, even though they're not officially counted in the list. I still count them as a wonder of the world. 
• Attend the Elephant Festival in Jaipur, India 
• Attend Holi, the Festival of Color in India 
• Attend Carnival in Sao Paulo, Brazil 
• Attend the Gelato Festival in Florence, Italy 
• Watch the Bull Run in Pamplona, Spain 
• Drink LaVazza and eat gelato in Italy
• Create my own international nonprofit 
• Be invited to an A-list party 
• Be recognized by someone famous I admired growing up
• Participate in a Color Run 
• Take a ride in a hot air balloon 
• Have a spa day at an expensive resort 
• Pick apples from an orchard, then make an apple pie with homemade ice cream 
• Cook an entire meal from scratch 
• Sponsor a child, then visit him/her 
• Be a movie extra 
• Have dinner on top of the Hancock Building 
• Eat frozen hot chocolate at Serendipity in NYC 
• Become an accomplished cook
• Climb the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France
• See the original Mona List at the Louvre in France 
• Ride the Ferris Wheel on Santa Monica Pier 
• Drink Earl Grey in London, England

The inspiration for my bucket list and passion for travel: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY

The Elephant's Blessing

Bangalore, India

The inspiration for this blog's title is this:

I've always loved elephants. Everything I've learned about them - their complex social structures, high levels of intellect, displays of affection, fascination with the bones of deceased elephants, the ability to die of heartbreak - makes them almost seem more fundamentally human than we act sometimes. 

I used to say that hummingbirds, distinguished by their bright colors and tendency to flit around from flow to flower (effectively working hard but "taking time to smell the roses"), were my favorite animals. But I think elephants have always been my true favorite, ever since I saw them as a girl in A Little Princess and then read about them in Water for Elephants (one of my favorite books) in high school. This sentiment was confirmed when I met an elephant for the first time yesterday at the Indian National Zoo.  

Looking an elephant in the eye is an almost overwhelming sensation. I held the gaze of white tigers, lemurs, monkeys, deer, peacocks, and countless other animals yesterday, but nothing was quite like that of the elephant. Like looking at the Mona Lisa, you can't help but feel that she knows something right out of your reach that you can't quite grasp. Those brown eyes are tired, almost weary with wisdom, but the trunk swings playfully - like she's reminding you that she still retains a youthful lightheartedness. 

Pay her 10 INR  (about $0.19), and she'll happily accept the bill by grasping it with her trunk and passing the money to her handler. She'll then lift her dry, wrinkly trunk above you, and set it on your head - thus giving you her blessing. 

Because I don't really believe in such things, I can't say that the blessing itself was a magical, life-changing experience for me. But I do believe in the power of relationships, and I think taking the time to appreciate the animal and the happiness she was bestowing (rather than treating her as a photo opp) does create a special kind of bond. And since I do have a particular attachment to elephants, I can say the experience enriched my life and gave me a story to share. 

Not to mention a title for my blog :) 

So It Begins

Bangalore, India

It's been a week since I arrived here, and I've already had various people suggest that I consider listing "survived India" among the talents on my resume. To be honest, I'm starting to see why. 

The food is hot enough to make you spit fire. I'm hungry all the time. The heat is outrageous, but respect for the Indian customs prevents me from wearing shorts. I haven't stopped sweating since I got here. People stare and make me uncomfortable. You could confuse the mosquitos with a small species of bird.

But I've fallen madly, deeply, passionately in love with this country. 

First of all, I have the good fortune to have an internship with Infosys, a global IT consulting cooperation. Inside the campus' heavily guarded walls, it's more beautiful than many of the resorts I've stayed at in the past. The lush greenery is not contrasted with the sharp modernity of the buildings, but rather coexists seamlessly, with ivy inching up the walls and palm trees shielding buildings from the sun. 

And while we may be buffered from the raw Indian experience within, we're more than encouraged to step outside and explore the city and the country. Which is exactly what I intend to do. 

We (myself and another intern) set off for our first weekend with a trip to the national park and zoo. Like most things in India, imagine the American version without health and safety codes. The animals are kept in simple cages, by which I mean they are within the confines of a fence. No glass. No "please don't get too close." I figured I'd never get an opportunity to hand-feed a lemur (they like spicy BBQ chips, go figure), touch a bear, or pet a zebra in America, so I jumped at the opportunity to do all these things. My personal favorite, however, was playing with the animals that weren't in the cages - first the monkeys (who have a weakness for popcorn and stealing mango juice), and then the elephants. 

The elephants. Wow. They deserve a post of their own, which I'll put up soon. 

The zoo excursion was a great close to a wonderful week. My work has been slow as my project manager was away at a conference, but I expect things to pick up at a breakneck speed once she returns. Lunch, coffee breaks, and drinks with the other interns has been a diverse cultural mixture in an of itself, as we have people from Thailand, Brazil, the UK, Mexico, Argentina, Colombia...and, with me being me, I'm learning so much about their cultures and even having lots of opportunities to practice my Spanish and Italian :) 

In short (can I say that after writing so much?), I couldn't be happier, and I am so thankful to have been given this incredible opportunity. 

P.S. If you're interested in seeing a video of where I'm staying, click here